Cagey from KG
A tale of a selfie and silliness
Last year a friend saw a tall black dude standing at a bar. “Hey, you know, you look just like Kagiso Rabada,” he said to him. He looked back at me. I shrugged. “That is Kagiso Rabada.”
Ah. Shit.
“I didn’t know he was so tall.”
“Don’t…,” I said.
“Don’t what?” he asked.
“Don’t say sorry not recognising him and don’t tell him he’s taller and, FFS, don’t ask for a Selfie.”
But, well, Rodney is Rodney. Oke loves a selfie as much as Man United fans love remembering the good old days of Fergie, Bryan Robson, Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs and his brother’s wife, Wayne Rooney’s love of Nan (not the bread) and signing Pogba for £87,000, letting him go to Juventus for free, buying him back for £90-million and then letting Juve sign him back for a song.
Selfie taken. Sighs sighed and a happy Rabada fan of a man who looked just like Rabada. I have interviewed Rabada several times. He vaguely remembered me until I told him I knew Stuart Hess, then cricket writer of The Star and now of the Sunday Times, then he remembered the wee fella at Stu’s elbow. We had a short chat, I apologised for Rodney and he went outside to have a natter with his mates.
Rabada has always been tall. Rabada has walked tall since he made his debut for South Africa over a decade ago. He is 29. He will be 30 on May 29 and on his birthday he will not be playing cricket. He will be serving a ban for returning “an adverse analytical finding for the use of a prohibited substance”.
No more information has been forthcoming on what said substance is. Cricket South Africa, for whom opaque has been a default approach to public relations for many years, issued this statement:
“Cricket South Africa (CSA) can confirm that Proteas Men right arm (sic) fast bowler Kagiso Rabada has returned an adverse analytical finding for the use of a prohibited substance.
The incident is regrettable, however, Rabada has reassured CSA and his fans of his commitment to upholding professional standards and has restated his passion to the sport of cricket and the country he represents with purpose.
“CSA is fully committed to drug-free sport and reminds cricket players, both professional and amateur, of the importance of adhering to all regulations. We are steadfast in our support to all players in this regard.”
If you are as confused with those last two contradictory sentences, then so you should be. Steadfast in support to all players and committed to drug-free sport means… what? That you shouldn’t don’t do drugs, kids, but if you do, give us a call and we will support you with the blandest of statements. Who knew Rabada was a “Proteas Men right-arm fast bowler”, five words to buffer before the words “adverse”, “analytical”, “prohibited substance” and “regrettable”.
It’s sad and corporate, a tongue-scraping and head-scratching statement saying nothing at all. Rabada left the Indian Premier League on April 3 for a “significant personal matter”. Over to Rabada to explain more through the South African Cricketers’ Association:
“As has been reported, I recently returned to South Africa from participating in the IPL for personal reasons,” read the statement. “This was due to my returning an adverse analytical finding for the use of a recreational drug. I am deeply sorry to all those that I have let down. I will never take the privilege of playing cricket for granted. This privilege is much larger than me. It goes beyond my personal aspirations.
“I am serving a provisional suspension and I am looking forward to returning to the game I love playing. I couldn't have gone through this alone. I’d like to thank my agent, CSA, and Gujarat Titans for their support. I’d also like to thank SACA and my legal team for their guidance and counsel. Most importantly I’d like to thank my friends and family for their understanding and love. Moving forward, this moment will not define me. I will keep doing what I have always done, continuously working hard and playing with passion and devotion to my craft.”
We will find out next week what he took. He loves a puff on a ciggie… ask his coach. Let it be little more than a puff or a sniff. He has a World Test Championship to win in June. Plonker.